State of the Dispatch
(And of the Daminger)
‘Tis the season for year-in-review and best-of lists, and I cannot resist adding my own to the mix. Above the paywall: some reflections on the state of The Dispatch. Below the paywall: some reflections on the state of The Daminger.
Your favorite (new) posts of 2025
#5:
What happens to the mental load after divorce?
Women stay stuck in bad marriages for many reasons: They’re financially dependent on their spouse. They worry about the impact of divorce on their kids. The idea of re-entering the dating market makes them break out in hives.
It seems counterintuitive, but divorced women often do less physical labor than married women. Alas, getting out of a bad marriage might not get you out of the mental load.
#4:
"It's not that I can't do it...it's that I don't have to"
One of the ironies of internet household labor discourse is that we do a lot more talking about fathers than talking with them. Though understandable, this doesn’t strike me as the best pathway to social change. So when David Hilgendorf, a PhD student at UW-Madison, reached out with his thoughts on my recent post about men and the mental…
David Hilgendorf, stay-at-home father turned fatherhood researcher, offered some frank reflections on male privilege and what it will take to achieve change.
#3:
He needs to be rattled by her clarity
Tonya Lester wants you to get mad. Preferably in a big way:
“Women sometimes try to indicate their unhappiness at the margin, hoping that small changes will get them on the right track. Maybe for small problems, that works, but not for big problems.”
Couples’ therapist Tonya Lester (whose excellent book Push Back is now available!) explained how she works with couples whose core challenge is labor or power inequality (hint: she often helps women surface their anger).
#2:
On rocks and hard places
Late last year, a reporter from The Atlantic asked me for an interview about what she described (aptly) as a simple but vexing question: why do women do so much more housework than men? We had a lovely chat, and then I promptly forgot about the whole thing until January 2
A reflection on the two bad choices many women face: find a way to accept a suboptimal relationship, or end that relationship.
#1:
Just how "invisible" is invisible labor?
A LOT of exciting gender inequality research crosses my desk every week. Writing about it here is one of the best ways I’ve found to A) make sure I actually read it, and B) make sure I commit the core findings to memory. If this sort of thing is also
A review of a new paper challenging the idea that so-called “invisible labor” is actually hidden and a broader reflection on what it means that “mental load” is now a household term.
Some numbers for the quantitatively inclined
37 new posts in 2025 (+ 4 updated reruns and 1 Live)
+ 70% subscriber growth (not so impressive in absolute numbers (+850), but considering I do very few of the things you’re supposed to do to “grow” on Substack, I’m pleased)
+ 60% annual revenue (again, sounds impressive until you look at the absolute amount (+$1000) and remember that even with this increase I’m writing for well under minimum wage…eep. In case you’re curious, 2.5% of subscribers are paid, which is a bit below the average ranges of 3-5% that I’ve seen cited)
This is a small-potatoes newsletter by most measures, but the potatoes grew quite a bit in 2025! Whether you’ve been here for four days or four years, I’m grateful for your support.
What’s coming in 2026
Honestly, I’m not quite sure! (Sorry, that header was a bit of a tease…) I’ve been toying with a few possibilities, but life has been moving a mile a minute (see below), and I haven’t settled on anything in particular. This is me committing to doing some reflection over the holiday break and reporting back in my first 2026 post.
State of The Daminger
I’ve found myself fantasizing about retirement lately. Am I too young to become a Professor Emerita? (Answer: At my university, there’s no age specification, but you do have to serve at least ten years before you’re eligible. I’ve got a ways to go.)
