Is the difference in expectation about where the "line" is for household chores a systemic gender issue as well (men have lower expectations about when to clean than women) or a one off thing, assessed by every household? I also see myself in the "high threshold/low expectation" camp and always thought it was the burden of those who care more to handle it, but that doesn't bode well for household dynamics, I'd imagine. And around me it seems to alwways fall around the divide of gender, but is that really true?
Great question! It's definitely a very common pattern in different-gender couples, though there are a minority in which it's the male partner who has a higher threshold. IMO, the fact that it's on the whole patterned by gender should make us wonder why and perhaps question the assumption that if you care more you should handle it. Maybe I'll do a whole post on gender and "standards" at some point, but the grossly oversimplified version is that women tend to be held accountable for things like cleanliness in a way that men don't, and they tend to be socialized to believe that girls are neat and boys are messy. So the "blame" for mess falls more on women's shoulders. Each household has to decide for themselves whether and what to do with that information, but one approach is to try and avoid the idea that caring more should necessarily mean doing more
Is the difference in expectation about where the "line" is for household chores a systemic gender issue as well (men have lower expectations about when to clean than women) or a one off thing, assessed by every household? I also see myself in the "high threshold/low expectation" camp and always thought it was the burden of those who care more to handle it, but that doesn't bode well for household dynamics, I'd imagine. And around me it seems to alwways fall around the divide of gender, but is that really true?
Great question! It's definitely a very common pattern in different-gender couples, though there are a minority in which it's the male partner who has a higher threshold. IMO, the fact that it's on the whole patterned by gender should make us wonder why and perhaps question the assumption that if you care more you should handle it. Maybe I'll do a whole post on gender and "standards" at some point, but the grossly oversimplified version is that women tend to be held accountable for things like cleanliness in a way that men don't, and they tend to be socialized to believe that girls are neat and boys are messy. So the "blame" for mess falls more on women's shoulders. Each household has to decide for themselves whether and what to do with that information, but one approach is to try and avoid the idea that caring more should necessarily mean doing more